RICHARD ORD: Timeshare on an Apple Watch?

Apple Watch
Apple Watch

JUST as there is no such thing as a free lunch, so I discovered this week there is no such thing as a free watch!

My trusty timepiece gave up on me as I was attempting to alter the date function. Aptly enough, the winder came off in my big hand.

The kids are spoiled rotten but at the expense of her husband. She’ll happily buy for me, but only if the goods come out of a bargain bucket.

When told the repair would cost more than £30, my little hand was pointing to the bin.

“Why don’t we get you a new watch?” my wife said. I nearly fell off my chair.

Generosity is not one of her better-known traits. Actually, I’ll rephrase that, generosity towards me is not one of her better-known traits.

The kids are spoiled rotten but at the expense of her husband. She’ll happily buy for me, but only if the goods come out of a bargain bucket.

I have a selection of said ‘bargains’ cluttering my wardrobe. I particularly like the two pairs of size 11 slippers she bought me. I’m a size nine.

“But they were a bargain,” she told me. “Just wear extra socks.” The huge slippers are fine, until I go downstairs. Then, because they are so long, I clatter down the stairs like a ski-jumper!

My wife’s bargain-hunting also means I’ve got a rack of, erm, ‘interesting’ shirts and jumpers. I have at least five shirts of a neck size at least two sizes too big. When I wear them, I look like one of those nodding dogs you see in the back of cars.

They were, of course, ‘a bargain’. Perhaps she expects me to wear extra cravats to pad out my neck!

Anyway, she was offering me a new watch.

“Do they have bargain bins in the jewellers?” I asked.

“No, we can get you a decent one,” she said, “I was thinking one of those new Apple watches.”

I did fall off my chair this time. While these electronic gizmos have yet to be released, they have garnered much publicity.

Apparently, telling the time is the least impressive thing the Apple watch can do … and it can do that to, according to the Apple website, within 50 milliseconds of the definitive global time standard. Which is useful, as my wife limits me to 250 milliseconds of watching cricket on the TV every week.

The watch can also monitor your heart-rate and other vital statistics. I’m not so keen on that particular function though. Why would I want a daily update on my failing health as I limp into the latter stages of my life?

What concerned me most was the price. It is set to go on the market at around £300.

But my wife was offering to buy it for me. What was the catch?

“You can sync the watch to your iPhone,” she said.

“But I don’t have an iPhone,” I said.

“Yes, but I do,” was her response.

Ah, it all became clear now. Turns out she was happy to buy the Apple watch, as long as she could wear it too.

“We can share it!” she said.

I’ve heard of timeshare, but this was ridiculous.

My wife has an iPhone and clearly our shared watch would, for the vast majority of the time, be worn by her good self. She’d let me wear it for bed.

But what if I needed to know the time during the day?

I could, as she pointed out, always phone her up.