RICHARD ORD: Who’s up for another referendum? I am...

Boris Johnson. Going nowhere, erm, slowly.
Boris Johnson. Going nowhere, erm, slowly.
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Good to see that the fuss about this whole EU referendum malarkey has died down and everyone has moved on.

I particularly liked the England team’s unanimous decision to take the vote literally and get themselves out of the Euros as quick as they could. Thanks boys.

If only Boris Johnson was as decisive.

Don’t know about you, but after winning the vote to pull out of the EU, it was odd that he stalled. He said there was “no need for haste.”

Good job he wasn’t the man negotiating Nelson Mandela’s freedom.

“You’re free Nelson.”

Boris: “Not so fast. There’s no need for haste. This is a time for reflection and consideration. We need to discuss a timetable with his prison guards. How you fixed for next October?”

Honestly, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the Brexit team didn’t have a plan. Ha ha. Of course there’s a plan. You do have a plan. Don’t you?

If not, how’s about another referendum? Our family quite enjoyed the last one. How about next Thursday? I’m free.

Our eldest son, Bradley, 15, even got to vote. His granddad said he could have his vote. Which was a nice gesture.

He used the argument that Bradley would have to live with the consequences far longer than he would, so it was only fair that he should have a bigger say.

But Bradley make a fundamental mistake. He put his cross in the box using a pencil. And as anyone who has access to the internet knows, the powers-that-be were thus able to break into the ballot boxes and rub out all the crosses and so hijack the referendum. A frightening thought.

There were calls across the internet for people to use a pen and not the standard-issue pencil on a string.

The claims of an underhand Eraser-Gate were being made by the Leave campaign. Who eventually won. Strangely, they’ve not mentioned it since.

I’ve looked into this whole issue and uncovered an even more horrible truth. Even if you used a pen, there’s something called Tippex correction fluid which can be bought over the counter at any good stationary suppliers and used to paint out a ballot paper cross!

Surely, this is reason enough to have another referendum. Only this time using Bingo dabber pens. They can’t be erased. FACT.

To have a second referendum would, many fear, cause a civil war. The country would split into two. The Leavers versus the Remainers.

I can live with that.

Not because I’m one for violence, but because of the age split of the two sides.

The majority of the United Kingdom’s over 65s were in the Leave camp, while the majority of the under-25s were in Remain.

Which means in the event of a fight, they’d never catch us. Unless they souped up their mobility scooters. Ah, never thought of that.

Forget it, let’s just leave … and soon… when you’re ready Boris … we’re waiting…