I’VE had some right bad luck over the last few weeks.
Some days, I think I’ve gone under a ladder before running over a black cat, putting a new pair of shoes on a table and then smashing a mirror while I’m sat under an umbrella in the front room.
If I threw salt over my shoulder, it would probably go in somebody’s eye and I’d end up getting sued.
Honest, if it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have none.
It got so bad the other day I rang The Samaritans for some help. But they were engaged.
Living in a seaside town, I’m sure we’ve all been hit with a good shot by the seagulls over the years.
That’s happened to me a couple of times, though I’ve never won the lottery after it’s happened, so if it is a sign of good luck - like it says it is on Google - then I’d beg to differ.
But on Sunday, I hit a new low when a Headland dog decided to relieve itself on my leg.
I was enjoying the fun and games down at the Pot House, a nice cool beer in my hand watching the entertainment as the sun shone.
I wouldn’t say boo to a goose - why does anyone say boo to a goose by the way, it’s just daft when you think about it - and I was just minding my own business.
Then, all of a sudden, I felt this wet sensation on my leg.
At first I thought someone had spilled a pint on me.
But as I looked down I clocked this dog, it had crept up on me from behind and cocked its leg against me.
I couldn’t believe it. Did it think I was a tree?
By the time I’d realised what had happened the dog had wandered off, tail wagging into the crowd and probably sporting a look of relief that we all do when we’ve been bursting.
I had to laugh, not quite as much as the so-called loved one I was standing with, but what else could I do?
Was I supposed to go chasing after the dog, give a mouthful of abuse to its owner and get them to clean my leg?
I was just stunned, and all I could do was walk away - with my right trainer squelching - to go home for a shower.
I’m not really the superstitious type, but you know what, so far today I’ve not had any bad luck. Touch wood.
My alarm clock went off on time, every traffic light was on green this morning and when I got to the office the milk was still in date.
Maybe I should thank the Headland dog after all.