I would usher you inside

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This poem was written when televisions were solid and my children were small.

If the telly top was turreted,

And the dining table domed,

And the mantelpiece a masterpiece,

Too good to keep at home.

If the sofa sighed beneath great spires,

And the windowsills weren’t wide;

I wouldn’t keep you at the door,

But usher you inside.

If the hall was high and hallowed,

And the kitchen clearly clinical;

Each top, however miniscule,

Wore minaret or pinnacle.

To help with the experience,

I would charge you 50 pence

Just to view my rich abode.

Still the style of my furniture

Cannot be unique.

And of the surfaces they’re on,

I dare hardly speak.

For one unholy mess

That drives me up the creek.

So, though I’m highly honoured,

Please go and come next week.

Mary Treveil,

Ardrossan Road,

Hartlepool.