Hartlepool comedy writer's gags for every day of the year

Author Phil Swales with a copy of his comedy book. Picture by FRANK REID

Professional gag man Phil Swales has written Swales Of Laughter containing 365 of his best one liners – one for every day of the year.

He is giving a share of his royalties to The Blurt Foundation, a mental health charity that helped him.

Despite being able to write about the funnier side of life, Phil, who lives in the Elwick Road area, has suffered from clinical depression and anxiety.

He became a professional comedy writer last year and writes jokes and comedy routines for many comedians around the UK.

Client confidentiality prevents Phil, 43, from naming names.

He said: “Most comedians don’t like to broadcast the fact that they use writers to the general public.

“I specialize is one-liner gags that are based around puns and wordplay.

“I started writing jokes for fun on Twitter and Facebook in 2009. I did a brief stint as a stand-up comedian in 2010 but decided to focus solely on writing rather than performing.”

A friend on Twitter, who runs his own publishing company, was tickled by Phil’s jokes and offered him a three book deal.

He added: “The response has been excellent. The book is only available for sale on Amazon, but so far we’ve sold a healthy amount of paperbacks and Kindle e-books.”

Phil is giving 25% of the profits to The Blurt Foundation.

He said: “The charity has helped me by providing online support and resources through their website and Facebook page, such as their peer-to-peer support group, in which fellow mental health sufferers help each other out with any problems they may be facing.

“They also send out weekly newsletter emails full of information and links to articles about mental health.”

Swales of Laughter is published by Kensington Gore Publishing and is available now from Amazon.

10 of Phil’s one liners

1. I once won two tickets to the Reading Festival. I don’t even like books that much!

2. The sauciest movie I ever saw was Weekend at Bernaise.

3. Since I started wearing leather elbow patches I haven’t had the urge to smoke a single leather elbow.

4. My friend Nina does the sound effects for emergency service vehicles.

4. Before they could start filming for Four Weddings and a Funeral the producers needed a huge grant.

5. What happens when you finish your agriculture exam? The farmers mark it.

6. I don’t like spying on folk through a gap in the door. Guess I’m just not a peephole person.

7. I’m only two hours into my semaphore course and I’m already flagging.

8. Just been to see my chemistry professor to get the results of my exam. He gave me an E, which helped to soften the blow of getting an F.

9. Batman wanted a mortgage, but he needed two forms of ID. Either a passport or a driving licence, and a recent utility belt.

10. What do you call an Iris stamp collector? Michael Philately.