A DRUNKEN dad pulled down his pants and defecated in the back of a police van after being arrested for a breach of the peace.
And Stephen Brady's filthy actions proved very expensive when magistrates slapped him with a whopping 305 bill.
The 44-year-old had been arrested and put in the back of the police van after his son rang officers to say his father had come home drunk and was smashing up the house, Hartlepool Magistrates' Court heard.
Brady claims he asked officers if he could use the toilet, but his request was declined for investigation purposes.
During the journey to the police station, Brady pulled down his jeans and pants, and defecated in the police van cage saying "there you go".
The van then had to be professionally cleaned to get rid of the mess.
Chairman of the bench Keith Fisher told him: "I am hesitating to comment at all on what happened but this has been a very, very expensive exercise, a very expensive spending a penny."
Prosecutor Joanne Hesse told justices that the saga began at 3am when police received a call saying the defendant was causing damage in his house.
She said: "A man called saying his father was in the address smashing up the house. Police arrived and arrested the defendant for breach of the peace.
"He pulled his jeans down and defecated on the floor of the police van cage and this resulted in the van having to be professionally cleaned."
She added: "When he was in custody he said he'd been out for a drink on New Year's Eve.
"He said he'd then gone home where his three sons were and had fallen into some drawers in the kitchen, and then remembered going into the passage and smashing a mirror. Then he remembers the police being at the door.
"He asked officers if he could go to the toilet. He said he has stomach ulcers and Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
"He admitted being drunk and defecating in the back of the van, but he didn't mean to.
"He said he didn't want to do it in his own jeans because that was disgusting."
Brady, formerly of Swinburne Road, Hartlepool, but now of no fixed abode, pleaded guilty to criminal damage on New Year's Day.
Mitigating, Martin Scarborough told magistrates: "He did ask to go to the toilet and was refused, but he accepts he defecated in the back of the van.
"He offered to clean the mess up when he was taken to the police station and when he was interviewed.
"The police obviously wanted to get the mess cleaned themselves.
"There was no permanent damage except the van being out of action for a period of time.
"He would offer his condition as a form of mitigation, and that he wanted to solve the problem before he even got into the van."
Brady was fined 65, ordered to pay 140 compensation, 85 costs and a 15 victim surcharge.