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Richrd Ord: How do you plan to live your life this year?

Sprouts played a part in New Year's Day for Richard Ord.
Sprouts played a part in New Year's Day for Richard Ord.

Start the new year as you mean to go on. Wise words which hone the mind and steer us towards making positive contributions to society and consistently delivering them over the following 12 months.

My 13-year-old son and his pal started the new year by running into the middle of our street to smash Brussels sprouts into our neighbours’ gardens using my cricket bat.

He does little for house prices in our area, but our Isaac knows how to enjoy himself.

Though I was tempted to congratulate him on his fun-filled start to the new year, to do so might have encouraged him to ‘mean to go on’ with the reckless activity.

And so it was that he started the year with a bit of a laugh while I started it with a bit of a moan about responsible behaviour.

Moaning is how I mean to go on this year. Fortunately, there’s plenty to moan about.

I reported that our door bell had stopped working last year and so was tasked with either fixing it or getting another.

After taking apart the broken one, which was wired up to the mains in our house, I decided discretion was the better part of valour (and the better part of being electrocuted) and bought a new one.

The wonders of modern technology meant I could buy an easy-to-assemble wireless doorbell and still have change out of £20. I didn’t need to screw it to the wall, the doorbell chime just plugs into any wall socket. It also played a seemingly infinite number of ‘chimes.’

The choice was bafflingly extensive. The William Tell overture was on there!

There were even eerie otherworldly tunes, the likes of which are only heard when Captain Kirk encounters an alien love interest in Star Trek. Who would choose a doorbell chime from outer space?

Doorbell chimes can clearly say a lot about the occupant. I settled for a basic ‘ding dong’. Draw your own conclusions.

The wireless push button was simple to install. You just screw it to the outside of your door. I’m no engineer, so I used the product called No More Nails and glued it on.

Two days later I found the doorbell button on our hall stairs. “It fell off,” our Isaac informed me.

I suspected a cricket bat or sprout may have been involved: He insisted not. On reading the No More Nails instructions, it revealed that the glue wasn’t good at sub zero temperatures. Nail manufacturers can breathe again.

What amused me most about the doorbell chime was the complaints from my family. When installed, each of them moaned “it’s too quiet.”

For all the many tunes there was no volume button. That’s as loud as it gets.

I’d have complained, but then it dawned on me that my wife was complaining from our bedroom, which is at the far end of our house. Surely if you can hear the chime from there, it’s doing its job?

I ignored the lot them. Well, why not? I want to start the new year as I mean to go on.