I’VE never slept all weekend because I’ve been worrying if I was going to be able to get this column written in time for today’s paper.
I always write this on a Monday, but as I’m sure you will be aware, yesterday was no ordinary Monday.
It was Cyber Monday.
That’s the day the world and its wife goes online to snap up bargains in time for Christmas, and computer systems end up crashing and we all come grinding to a halt.
When I say bargains, I really mean the rubbish that the shops couldn’t shift on Black Friday.
Cyber Monday is a safer version of Black Friday, you can battle away for bargains in the safety of your own home without worrying about getting trampled on.
A couple of years ago I’d never even heard of Black Friday.
I knew the Happy Mondays, Shrove Tuesday, Sheffield Wednesday and Maundy Thursday, but Black Friday was a new one on me.
It has come from America, and it’s the one day of the year where you can batter someone in a supermarket and get away with it.
I’m sure you have all seen the images of people wrestling with each other over a cheap telly.
In fact, some of you might have actually watched people wrestling with each other over a cheap telly on your new cheap telly because it looks like everyone in the UK got their hands on one.
How many of the people who bought a new telly at the supermarket on Black Friday actually needed one?
Have they been sat at home for the last few months staring at a blank wall and telling the kids there’s only 27 more sleeps until Black Friday?
There’s supposed to be a credit crunch on isn’t there? People are struggling to keep a roof over their head and relying on foodbanks to feed the family.
But hey, if that flatscreen Samsung is going cheap, then it would seem people are prepared to fight the world just so they can have the pleasure of watching Jeremy Kyle in HD.
If people went on like that down Church Street or at Pools, they’d end up getting a free night’s B&B in Avenue Road courtesy of Hartlepool Police and a spot in the Mail’s court round-up.
But it seems that the law goes out of the window when there’s a couple of hundred quid knocked off a 48-incher.
Luckily in Hartlepool people were quite well behaved, and there were no reports of anyone needing to go to A&E.
Which is probably just as well...