RICHARD ORD: Lest we forget ... the end of the Death Star

There’s nothing like a good bit of scaremongering to get the pulse racing of a morning.

To be honest, it’s not been scary enough for my liking. The threat of war, civil unrest and economic collapse is all very well, but where are the zombies?

I suspect the last 24 hours before we go to the polls will see Project Fear throw in a few of the walking dead and the odd vampire to push people to the ballot box.

There’s nothing like a healthy debate at the breakfast table to bond families. And in the Ord household there really isn’t anything like a healthy debate. There’s a lot of shouting, but we’re usually all in separate rooms.

The EU referendum rarely gets a look in, although the ‘out’ campaign is much in evidence. Most of the morning is taken up getting our 15- year-old, Bradley, out of bed, and then getting him out of the shower, and then getting him out of the house.

While my wife argues with our Bradley upstairs, I engage in conversation with our youngest, Isaac, aged 12.

“Much happening at school? Anything exciting on the agenda? School going well?” Each question is followed by his illuminating response of “Dunno.”

I tried him with the EU question to break the monotony. “Which way would you vote?” I asked.

“In,” he said.

He wanted to know why he couldn’t vote. I told him it was because there was a school of thought that 12-year-olds couldn’t grasp the complex issues involved and didn’t have the emotional maturity to make good decisions. They were also easily led.

He wasn’t happy. Isaac felt he should be allowed to vote.

I asked him why he was voting Remain.

“Because if we leave the EU,” he said, “the price of Wispas will go up.”

“And I’ve been told they’ll ban Magic Stars.”

Needless to say it was his brother (a vociferous Remain campaigner) who had warned him of the impending chocolate disaster should he opt for a Brexit.

Spotted at an Armed Forces Day celebration in South Shields ... a Star Wars stormtrooper!

As a generation without a World War to call our own, it won’t be long before we find ourselves commemorating battles of dubious honour. In 2027, I suspect light sabres will be dimmed in honour of the 50 anniversary of the destruction of the Death Star.

Here’s a few more wars to lament. Blur v Oasis, VHS versus Betamax, even England versus Scotland football games will be given the ‘lest we forget’ treatment.

How long too before medals of honour are presented to those who survived the Black Friday sales of Christmas 2014? I can see it now. Crowds gathered in silence in front of a statue of two punters fighting over a flat screen TV. Your suggestions for other dubious battles of our generation will be gratefully received...