Richard Ord: Why I think Jamie Carragher should be hung out to dry

Instead of issuing an apology for spraying a teenage girl with his phlegm, would he not be better off demanding she ‘grow a pair’?

After all, it’s only water. Okay, so it’s bacteria-ridden digestive water from the back of his throat, but water nevertheless.

And what can we possibly gain by the sacking of Mr Carragher from his high-profile television job?

I mean, it’s not as if we have an endless supply of former professional footballers able to explain the complexities of why one team won and another lost.

To the unschooled in these matters it appears as simple as being because one team scored more goals than the other. Sad misguided fools, that they are.

Football results (and remember unlike any other business, football is a results-driven business) are all about: heart; desire; experience (or lack of it); the impetuousness of youth; inexperience; a strong spine; a moment of magic; a moment of madness; wrong formations; playing too narrow; too expansive; being unplayable on this form; not giving 110%; low centre of gravity; an eye for goal; schoolboy defending; a good time to score; scoring too early; parking the bus; making the keeper work; if anything,hitting the ball too well; and the fact that if a Brazilian had scored that we’d be talking about it for years.

That sort of insight into the beautiful game can’t be learned parrot fashion, you know.

Carragher’s bosses at Sky have a difficult decision to make about his future.

It’s their call, but I’d issue just one note of caution in their deliberations. That being: to fail to condemn his actions, could be construed as condoning them. Just saying.

Maybe they are taking so long to make a decision because spitting on members of the public from a moving car isn’t covered in the HR handbook.

I’d ask them to look under the section marked Moral Compass. That said, Sky is an entertainment channel and showbiz history is littered with stars who secured a place in the hearts of the public by gobbing everywhere. Spit the Dog being just one that springs to mind.

Frank Rijkaard’s ball of sputum didn’t do his career any harm, either. Though his infamous World Cup gob off was directed at a German. Weak mitigation yes, but mitigation nevertheless.

I have been waiting for someone to launch an attack on the teenage girl, after all, it doesn’t take much for the teens of today to be described as ‘snowflakes’.

They say this to mean that they are fragile individuals that fall apart at the merest hint of heat from offence.

Ironic, really, since we live in a country that falls apart whenever a snowflake lands.

At it is, the girl’s family, by all accounts, have asked that Carragher be spared the sack.

Personally, like a phlegm-soaked shirt, I think he should be hung out to dry.