RICHARD ORD: The 50-plus world according to Dave

Fashion! Who cares? Like Les Dawson, be comfortable  in your own skin.
Fashion! Who cares? Like Les Dawson, be comfortable in your own skin.

Reasons to be cheerful at 50! They’re like buses. You don’t see any for ages, then nine come at once.

Reader (yes, I do have one) Dave Richardson, of Tunstall, got in touch to answer my call on the benefits of being 50. Given the call went out 11 months 29 days ago, we can be assured that these are well researched.

Dave turned 50 and the scales fell from his eyes. Here’s his advantages of being a 50-plus person:

l Got my first proper “top coat” out of Greenwoods, lovely and warm, and didn’t give a monkeys I had a Greenwoods carrier bag. Fashion? Who cares?

l Friday nights down the town, whatever the weather and in half sleeves, is not compulsory and your lack of attendance does not mean all the bars will shut instantly. Go local, or stop in, couple of drinks, some scran and Gogglebox. Perfect.

l When you go to the gym, forget about thinking you can be a toned Adonis, those lads are only in their 20s and it’s practically a full time occupation getting that buffed. Do like the other oldies, stand chatting for half an hour about owt and nowt then go home and stuff your face ‘cos you have “earned”it. Honest, it’s dead easy.

l Realise that it’s actually cool to shop in discount supermarkets. We’ve been getting ripped off for too long. I was a right Sainsbury’s / Morrisons / Marksy’s type. Turning 50, the light goes on...

l Stop changing your car every 2 or 3 years. It took me a long time to realise that a new car impresses people for easily all of three minutes before they start talking about something else...usually themselves. You lose less money, and you actually start thinking how long can I actually look after my car and screw every last penny out of it.

l Drink whatever you like down the pub, not some latest fad with fruit and or veg stuck in it; lager or beer is good and cheaper and you are a fully qualified bloke anyway. ‘Been there, done that, tried that, eat that, drank that, I know what I’m doing and talking about, because I’m actually 50 don’t you know!’

l How many combinations of jeans does a man need? Don’t look like a prat by trying to buy fashionable jeans that are so skinny they don’t get past your knees. Blokes at 50 can still get away with a proper fitting pair of jeans. When my Dad (god rest his soul) was 50 he used to wear dress trousers, shirt and tie, with jacket to go to Roker Park, church, the town and to put the bins out. Jeans? No chance. He’d have been slaughtered down the club. Just buy a pair of proper fitting jeans. We can just about get away with it, as long as we’ve been getting down the gym of course!

l Hair cuts. No need for something that looks like it should be up for the Turner Prize for best Art design (and prices to match). Get down to the barbers,you’ve got less hair to “worry” about anyway.

l Enjoy being 50, you’ve nowt to prove, you have an opinion that’s as valid as anyone else’s, even more so with life experience.

Dave is 58. Can’t wait for his ‘cheerful at 60’ letter ...