Childline: Supporting children who often blame themselves for a family divorce or separation

At Childline, it’s an issue our counsellors hear a lot about. In 2024/25 they handled 1,121 counselling sessions across the UK about parental divorce and separation.

One 14-year-old girl told our counsellors: “Since my parents split up, they have been in constant competition to best each other and I always get caught in the middle of their arguments. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t even talk to my mum about dad without her getting mad in some way.”

It’s crucial to support children and remind them that both parents love them. Consider their age and be careful how you speak about your ex-partner as any negative comments could lead to confusion and resentment.

If you are separating, it's important for children to understand that both parents have agreed to the situation and decided together on what happens next. Share the news together and reassure your children that you will both still be there for them and that not everything will be changing right away.

Try to keep up your child’s routines around school, mealtimes and bedtimes. Let them know that it's okay to be sad, confused or angry and that they can talk about their feelings with you. There are resources and advice in the NSPCC’s guide for talking about difficult topics.

There’s no way of predicting how children will react in this situation. If they’re young, they might struggle to say how they’re feeling, and they can have a wide range of feelings which will change over time, so encourage them to talk to you at any time.

And no matter their age, remember some of their emotions may come out in their behaviour rather than their words. They might withdraw or feel angry and upset.

Try to be patient with them and remember, more advice on how to support children through a separation or divorce can be found on the NSPCC website.