Hey Mr Farage, if migrants are eating swans then where are the photos?

A man is brought before magistrates after being caught shooting a rare golden eagle from the skies.

The magistrate lays down the gravity of the offence, given the bird is a protected species, and demands an explanation. ‘I’m so sorry,’ the accused pleads, ‘but I didn’t mean to shoot it. It just flew into my sights and I shot it by mistake.’

‘And what did you do with it afterwards?’ the magistrate asks.

‘I ate it,’ he says. ‘Well, it was dead, and to just leave it seemed such a waste.’

The magistrate nods in agreement and dismisses the case.

As the defendant is leaving the court, the magistrate pipes up: ‘Just one more thing. Out of interest, what did the golden eagle taste like?’

‘Rather like swan,’ is the reply.

I mention it only because the swan has become intertwined in the immigration debate stoked up by the likes of shrinking violet Nigel Farage and prominent Maccabi Tel Aviv supporter Tommy ‘two names’ Robinson.

Farage insists, despite literally no evidence, that migrants have been eating swans. His defence is that while it can’t be proved to have happened, it can’t be disproved either. A common defence propping up many dubious claims in this day and age.

While it would be a sad state of affairs if people were so desperate for food that they’d eat a swan, surely you’d have to admire those that did it.

I mean, a packet of 20 chicken dippers from Tesco will set you back a meagre £1.49. We even have food banks where you can get food for free. And yet, Mr Farage wants us to believe that migrants are sneaking into public parks in the dead of night to wrestle swans, wring their necks, pluck ‘em, and then have them spit-roasted over a hastily constructed open fire in the woods. Yep, sounds about right.

Pressed on who exactly is eating the swans, he says it’s likely ‘people who come from countries where it is quite acceptable’ to do so. What! Like the English in days of yore?

As a man who laments the loss of great British culture (whatever that is) it looks to me that, if true, those people eating swans are actually reviving a tradition popularised by the royal family in Tudor and Elizabethan times, who wolfed down roast swans like there was no tomorrow and considered the dish a symbol of wealth and status.

If he wants me to believe migrants are eating swans, show me the photo of said migrant with his arm around a swan. Even if the smiling migrant went on telly to say he never met the swan, claimed the photo was faked, and offered me a ludicrous amount of money to go away, surely only a fool would believe no crime had taken place.