RICHARD ORD: How long, or lucky, is a piece of string?

But I’ve often wondered where people, particularly men, get those assortments of bangles, string and rubber bands they wear on their wrists.

You may have seen them.

I’ve never been convinced that bracelets are an appropriate fashion accessory for men like me (cynical stick-in-the-muds, in case you were wondering), but I’ve been baffled by the coloured strings that have started to become popular.

In fact, I don’t think any of the big department stores I’ve ventured into have a string section.

Customer: “I’m looking for a bit of string to tie around my wrist.”

Fashion retail assistant: “Yes, you’ll find our designer bits of string just down from the suits, past shirts, and next to sportswear. Is it a formal piece of string you’re after or for pleasure?”

Customer: “Formal. I’m attending a funeral.”

Then I found out where they’ve come from. The German grabbed my wrist and tied a piece of string around it.

Case solved. The wearing of string is down to people with an interest in spiritual healing and mindfulness. (You may know it better as mumbo jumbo).

“What’s this?” I whimpered, clawing at the attachment.

“It’s for luck,” my dearest said, with blazing eyes that stopped me from pulling it off.

Apparently there’s an assortment of strings available that provide spiritual benefits, from warding off evil spirits to bringing good luck.

I had my doubts, but I wasn’t prepared to air them. These peace-loving spiritual people can turn nasty when provoked. Remember the yoga riots of ‘97 or the Pilates unrest of 2012? The air filled with flying cork yoga blocks and streets strewn with burst buckwheat bolsters and trampled yoga mats. Still brings me out in a cold sweat.

Anyway, my good luck charm in place, I went out to play cricket for my local team. And would you believe it … we lost. Not only that, but I was given a fireman’s lift from the pitch with a calf injury and haven’t been able to play cricket since!

I pointed this out to my better half as we traipsed (I hobbled) around the women’s fashion stores on a Saturday afternoon when I should have been playing cricket.

Mustering my best ‘so much for your good ideas’ face, and waggling my sad string gauntlet in the air, I said: “Not the best of good luck charms is it?”

Without skipping a beat, she said: “I didn’t say who gets the good luck.”