Richard Ord: My lookalike dreams are in tatters

Sly Stallone advertising bread. Would that be shortbread then?Sly Stallone advertising bread. Would that be shortbread then?
Sly Stallone advertising bread. Would that be shortbread then?
My dream of a lucrative career in the world of celebrity lookalikes has hit a snag.

Sick of being accosted in the street by strangers and being told I was the spitting dab of Liverpool football manager Jurgen Klopp, I thought I’d turn my looks into money and sent my photograph off to an agency.

It was surprisingly well received. But then I had done my research.

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A friend of mine was on the books of a lookalike agency so I sounded him out. He not only looked like Bono out of U2, but also had his singing voice. “Go for it,” he advised.

He passed on the details of the agency and I checked out their website.

It was heartening to see that for every person on the site who was a dead ringer for a celebrity, there were others who looked nothing like their supposed doppelganger.

A bit like Mike Yarwood’s impressions in the Seventies. Some were spot on, others he had to introduce by name to make sure you got the joke.

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They liked my picture and asked me to fill in a form and said they’d consider me.

Brilliant! They even wanted my passport details.

“With the World Cup on the horizon, there could be opportunities,” the nice lady at the agency told me.

Visions of being whisked off to Moscow for a photoshoot with Four Four Two magazine swam about my head.

“Just one more question,” the nice lady asked, “How tall are you?”

And that was the snag.

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I Googled Jurgen’s height, only to find he’s a whopping 6ft 4ins tall!

Is there a market for a mini-Klopp?

At 5ft 9 and three-quarter inches (that three-quarters is important to us shorties), I am a good six inches shorter than the German.

“I could wear lifts,” I hopefully chimed.

“How about stilts?” was the reply. Very good.

That said, the height issue opened up a whole new world.

I checked out online about lifts in men’s shoes, only to find that elevator heels are, pardon the pun, a growing industry.

You can buy men’s training shoes with hidden lifts inside that can increase your height by as much as three inches. Check it out online. The Jago Secret Height Training Shoe adds 7.5cms to your stature.

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Apparently there’s a few stars of stage and screen who need a little help. At almost 5ft 10ins tall, I’m a veritable giant among some celebs.

I remember reading an article once about a reporter who interviewed Sylvester Stallone by a swimming pool. He was unnerved by the fact that Stallone, in just his swimming trunks, conducted the whole interview while standing on his tippy toes. The screen ‘giant’ is 5ft 8ins tall. Tom Cruise too is only 5ft 7ins and Jason Statham 5ft 8ins. But that’s another story.

Turns out the secret elevator shoes won’t be enough to save my lookalike career, and that’s the long and, unfortunately, short of it.