RICHARD ORD: I was in Specsavers, but I didn’t see that coming!

Sent a text to my girlfriend: ‘Just off for an eye test this morning… please don’t take it personally.’

Well, it amused me. Unlike the trip to Specsavers.

You may have noticed the heavens have opened and we’re being treated to torrential rain on a daily basis, so you know what that means… it’s the cricket season.

As such, I thought it wise to get my eyes tested before the first game.

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To be honest, I thought I’d better get them tested for two reasons.

One, it’s been nigh-on three years since my last test and two, I nearly got my head knocked off with a cricket ball in a pre-season training session.

The latter incident probably has more to do with my tortoise-like reflexes than failing eyesight, but thought I’d better get my peepers checked anyway.

I’d forgotten how thorough eye tests are these days. The traditional eye chart still features heavily, but then there’s the hi-tech pressure tests, ocular mechanics and scanners thrown into the mix.

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The optometrist took some pleasure in showing me an image he’d taken of the back of my eye!

Looked like the surface of Saturn, minus the rings (red ones can be found around my eyes, but that’s another story). I should have asked if they could print me out some copies.

I could do with a bit of abstract art on my walls. (For the record, that blank canvas I bought to produce my own artwork is still sitting untouched on the easel in the spare room. Awaiting inspiration aren’t I?).

Turns out my eyes, unlike the rest of my body, have not deteriorated but have actually improved.

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How weird. Turns out it’s not weird, just another sign that I’m getting older.

My once soft and subtle young lenses are now age hardened.

Which, Dr Google informed me, will likely cause me problems in later life. Jeez, is there any good news with this ageing malarkey?

Improvement only means I have to buy new glasses, which isn’t the end of the world.

Although the last time I chose glasses, I thought my Aviator-style specs oozed Richard Gere.

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The general consensus, however, was that they screamed Jeffrey Dahmer.

Test over, I grabbed my old, now-redundant glasses and headed to the checkout where I was presented with the bill for my eye test. £30!!!

I didn't see that coming …