Richard Ord
Richard Ord
Deputy Editor
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A relentless barrage of bombs, bullets and bags of Monster Munch.

War is declared on popcorn

Tom Sturgess (Albert Narracott), Ike Bennett (David Taylor) in War Horse. Credit Brinkhoff-Moegenburg 2118-R

War Horse gallops into winners enclosure

Deciphering the painkiller conundrum can give you a headache.

A bitter pill to swallow

'But is he a patriot?' England need to cast their net further in search for a winning manager.

'We need to cast our net further for England manager... how about Uranus?'

Some of our MPs appear to hand their brains in at reception when they come to power. (Image created by AI)

'Good ideas from the Government appear thin on the ground'

Finger signatures are a sign of the times.

I put finger on true cost of dentists

RICHARD ORD: Millionaires get Winter Fuel Allowance! Bit rich isn't it?

A close shave without the benefits of looking younger!

RICHARD ORD: Just a whisker away from the perfect birthday gift for my mum

A South Shields woman has called on South Tyneside Council to explain why pedestrians have been placed next to the road as part of the new cycleway.

Pedestrians are meat in the fast moving transport sandwich

Republican presidential candidate former President Donald Trump is surround by US Secret Service agents at a campaign rally. PIC: AP Photo/Evan Vucci

RICHARD ORD: God works in mysterious ways which is why Trump was almost toast

Where's the style section?

My unwanted charity tat beggars belief!

Like most bad Kerplunk players, the Tories appear to be losing their marbles.

Kerplunk! Tories have lost their marbles

On reflection, Monkey Tennis could be a vote winner.

Monkey Tennis just might sway undecided voters

Warm your hands and you've got my vote...

RICHARD ORD: It's time politicians rubbed us up the right way!

'I'm sure my mobile phone is in here somewhere...'FILE photo dated 24/10/52 of national service men of the 1st Royal Tank Regiment packing their kit at Fowler Barracks, Tidworth, in readiness for their departure for Korea. Teenagers would not be sent to jail for defying the Tories' proposed "mandatory" national service, James Cleverly has said, as Labour branded the policy a "gimmick". Photo credit: PA/PA Wire

RICHARD ORD: National Service or Madame Whiplash's Spanking Tuesdays? You decide...

"Quick, hide behind this tree. Your dad will never find you here..."

RICHARD ORD: Where there's a Will, there’s a way... to happily annoy your kids!

Cricket... lovely cricket. Now where's that luke-warm yoghurt?

RICHARD ORD: Warm yoghurts and no sausage rolls! Why that's just not cricket...

​Mention cricket and sepia-tinged summer images of warm yoghurt, shipping containers and a trip to A&E naturally spring to mind. No?

Richard Ord

Jeez, I never even said I was a bear.

RICHARD ORD: The bear necessities of life are not always true

You drive me vape. Picture: Adobe Stock

RICHARD ORD: Rishi Sunak wages war on the fog-gobblers

A paste of things to come...

RICHARD ORD: The day I entered a new dimension of gnasher polishing

RICHARD ORD: I was in Specsavers, but I didn’t see that coming!

'And the toilet's on the first floor yeah? I'll begin my ascent now then...'

RICHARD ORD: Grappling hooks at the ready... and that's just for the stairs!

'And the toilet's on the first floor yeah? I'll begin my ascent now then...'

RICHARD ORD: Pipe and slippers? More like grappling hooks and crampons just to g...

The mother of royal PR disasters? Photo by Prince of Wales/Kensington Palace/PA Wire

RICHARD ORD: Hard-up royals heir-brush their way to another PR calamity

Getting the needle about needles.

RICHARD ORD: When it came to the needle, my doctor wasn’t quite on point!

Big toe beauty. If you've got it flaunt it.

RICHARD ORD: Toe the line and the silver linings will come

A future NASA satellite launching system. Not shown to scale.

RICHARD ORD: The future of space travel is full of wonder… and spelks!

For those about to parent... we salute you. Isaac Ord (then 8, now 20) never too old to be embarrassed by his dad.

If parenting were a degree, I'd barely scrape a 2:2

When your kids finally emerge from their teenage years, does that mean you are no longer responsible for them?

Richard Ord

Make these vapes stink of cheese and you may curb their use. Only saying.

RICHARD ORD: Get 'em sucking on Stilton to end this vape nightmare

Clothing store Geordie Jeans was founded in 1978 in South Shields - going on to open ten stores across the North East. The King Street store closed its doors in 2004, and is very missed by the people of South Shields.

RICHARD ORD: Goodbye to the cool and, at a stretch, life-saving blue jeans

Pictured: John Hollingworth as James Hartley and Toby Jones as Alan Bates in a scene from the TV show Mr Bates vs The Post Office.

RICHARD ORD: If you want justice, get Idris Elba to read the news

Don't be fooled by the cute looks. Beagles worship the devil.

RICHARD ORD: It's beginning to look a lot like... a Satan-loving beagle Christma...

RICHARD ORD: Behold the air fryer! Life, and chips, may never be the same again

Hey, I've got one of these at home. Richard Ord contemplates a blank artwork at Tate Modern.

Modern art is rubbish... but good for getting your steps in

RICHARD ORD: Why newspaper columnists need to be top of the crops!

'Sorry miss, but are you old enough to be smoking that cigarette?'

RICHARD ORD: I've seen the future... it's hover boots and fag ratting!

RICHARD ORD: Braverman on the warpath... is there an election looming by any cha...

Designer dogs to suit all needs... especially those with deep pockets.

RICHARD ORD: Why have a dog and walk it yourself?

RICHARD ORD:

'Hey kids, dinner's ready. Potatoes again...'

Rishi Sunak's fossil fuel policy revealed: Burn first, ask questions later...

He's above you! One of the few T-Rex dinosaur bone collections to be found in the world.

RICHARD ORD: One billion of our dinosaurs is missing... probably more

Arnold Schwarzenegger as a naughty cyborg in Terminator: Dark Fate.

RICHARD ORD: Forget baking beans, it's AI chatbots that will cook your goose

Asda pulls out all the stops give this particular branch that regal touch.

RICHARD ORD: King's Coronation quiche left me stumped

American singer and guitarist Jimi Hendrix performs on stage without the distraction of Netflix.

RICHARD ORD: Brian Cox is all that stands between me and rock immortality

Another fine mess that won't be cleaned up by the Government's on-the-spot fine mess.

RICHARD ORD: The writing's on the wall for shameless vote-chasers

A Snickers bar a day? That's just nuts! And nougat. And chocolate...

RICHARD ORD: When 'fun-size' Snickers just doesn't live up to its name

Supermarket tomatoes... another vine mess.

RICHARD ORD: It's our pockets the supermarkets are picking ... not tomatoes

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