RICHARD ORD: Why have a dog and walk it yourself?

The hapless guy pulling on the leads is, more often than not, led a merry dance by his team of canines. It’s like those magnificent husky sleighs you see on wildlife documentaries, but without the huskies, sleigh or magnificence.

Turns out these people are not dog lovers who simply can’t say no to taking in a stray dog, but professional dog walkers.

By all accounts, dog walking is big money.

So much so, that it was suggested it may well be the way forward when it comes to a retirement plan for myself.

I weighed up that retirement option. After 40-odd years of gameful employment, do I want to spend what little time I have left on the planet a) Turning my home into a giant kennel and spending my afternoons walking yapping hounds in rain or shine while picking up their excrement? or, b) maybe, going to the pub?

It’s a dilemma I may have to wrestle with for some hours over the weekend before I get back to you on that. Ideally with a pint in my hand. Hope that doesn’t influence my decision.

While I used to have a dog when I was a child - and loved him dearly - I’ve never owned one myself. My job meant it was impractical and, when the boys lived at home, you can bet your bottom dollar they’d have some pet fur allergy that would rear its ugly head after parting with cash for the beast.

Turns out the pet dog industry has most bases covered. Designer dogs courtesy of selected breeding mean you can get pretty much anything to suit your needs. Dogs that don’t shed fur (Labradoodles), to save your cleaning bills; Dogs that don’t even have fur (the Xoloitzcuintle), to stop those sniffly kids; Dogs you can put in your top pocket for safe keeping (Chihuahua) and there’s even the over-bred bulldog for those who like the sound of snoring and laboured breathing.

And now with a burgeoning dog walking industry about to take flight, you don’t even have to walk the damn things.

Why have a dog and walk it yourself? Well, because they enjoy it and it’ll help keep you fit and active, but that’s by the by.

With my luck, I’d set up a dog walking business (Dicky’s Doggie Dawdles Ltd) only to find the designer dog breeders invent the legless pooch. Coming to a pet shop near you. The spherical Shar Pei! Forget long walks, simply roll it round your front room. Comes in any colour. Fur or furless. Bark optional. £3,500.

You read it here first…