The death of humorous pub banter had been greatly exaggerated

Every Thursday evening I tootle down to my local British Legion club and berate war veterans for the damage they’ve done to society.

In particular, there’s a former Falkland’s veteran, son of a WW2 bomber pilot killed over Dresden, who works behind the bar. Every time I go there, I ask how he can sleep at night given his murderous assault on an island no-one in the UK cares about and also how his dad is enjoying life in hell for killing babies.

Why, I hear you ask, doesn’t the barman chase me out of the pub? Well, he’s confined to a wheelchair due to injuries sustained in battle. Or, as I always tell him, injuries sustained in karma payback. He cries sometimes… snowflake!

The owner of the bar threatened to chuck me out once, but I told him it was just banter. ‘Good point,’ he said, and I’ve had no trouble since. Every Thursday, same barman, same banter until he cries.

OF COURSE, I HAVEN’T DONE ANY OF THE ABOVE.

I just thought I’d offer an alternative framing of the part of the new Employment Rights Bill that has been introduced to protect workers from harassment. Under this new bill, the boss of my fictitious British Legion club could be in trouble for not protecting his staff from uncouth yobs like the equally-fictitious me in this scenario.

Should an employer have a duty to protect his workers from harassment (and I include sexual harassment in this) from clients? Of course they should, and, under the new bill, they will have a duty to do just that.

Nigel Farage, however, has a different take. He says the new bill will end pub banter for good.

What! Really?

On GB News he said: ‘The new employment rights legislation, which is designed to protect employees, says that debates should not happen in pubs if they’re offensive to staff.

‘And this could well include debates such as transgender rights and veganism. ‘And if they’re being expressed in a contentious way, people in the pub could be asked to leave. You might as well close the pubs down!’

The bill, of course, says no such thing. You will not be thrown out of a pub for debating the health benefits of eating sweet potatoes with your mates.

I mean, who falls for this nonsense? Cue the inevitable letter to the paper…

‘In yet another assault on free speech,’ a reader wrote, ‘the despots in the Labour Party are backing an employment rights bill that could endanger humorous banter in pubs, with publicans no doubt prosecuted if they fail to act.’

I get the feeling that people like these wouldn’t know humorous banter if it walked into a pub wearing a big red nose, comically oversized boots and threw a custard pie in their face. Or, as they would call it, state-approved clown violence.

Don’t believe me? Just read the actual Employment Rights Bill. Someone has to…

Honestly, the right to be a belligerent pub loudmouth is safe—for now!